if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
