I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
