just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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