Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
