i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
