I'm so fucking centered right now
I cannot find my penis.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
