My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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