So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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