K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
