party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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