First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
