Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she pinky promised me she was 18
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize