I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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