I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
