Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
