took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
