I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
