just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
