I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
