is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
