There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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