i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
