i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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