whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think people are normalizing furries
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
