Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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