Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
