he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
