I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
