Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
