oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
