I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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