just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
