I have demons in me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so let's talk penis.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
