Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
