those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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