My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
