I can't watch pbs sober anymore
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize