well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
