I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
