Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
