I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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