After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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