I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
