I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
