this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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