then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
