So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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