Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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