just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
