i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
