His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
