smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
