How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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