Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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