All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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