You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
