You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
