He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
