just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize