Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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