Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
