u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
