What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
