no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
