My room smells like vodka and shame
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
