Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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