Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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