What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
