How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize