please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
