soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
