I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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