He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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