My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
