JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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