i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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