i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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