Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
