Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize