You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Plan B is the new Plan A
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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