Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
