The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
