Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
