he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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