ugly people sure do ruin things
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I touched a dick in church today
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
