I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
