Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
