Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
