I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
