so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
