Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
