i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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