What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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