you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize