i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
