I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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