dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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