I just cut my nipple shaving
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
