I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
