Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
