cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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