I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
