Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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