Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
