atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
