Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize