I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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