i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
